Lost Season 6 Parody

[WalterBishop]

My Season 6:

Episode: 1&2
Title: Ka-Bloom, Parts 1&2
Centric: Multi-Centric

Episode: 3
Title: Who Kate Does
Centric: Kate

Episode: 4
Title: The Submarine
Centic: Locke

Episode: 5
Title: Windmill
Centric: Jack

Episode: 6
Title: PgDn (Page Down)
Centric: Sayid

Episode: 7
Title: Mr. Cool
Centric: Ben

Episode: 8
Title: Recomb
Centric: Sawyer

Episode: 9
Title: Crab Eternal
Centric: Richard

Episode: 10
Title: The Parcel
Centric: Sun/Jin

Episode: 11
Title: Happily Scottish Laughter
Centric: Desmond

Episode: 12
Title: Mothers Love Hugo
Centric: Hurley

Episode: 13
Title: The Fast Recluse
Centric: Multi-Centric

Episode: 14
Title: The Candy Day
Centric: Jack/Locke

Episode: 15
Title: Computer-Animated Fish Movie
Centric: Jacob/MIB

Episode: 16
Title: What He Fried For
Centric: Multi-Centric

Episode: 17&18
Title: The End Ding, Parts 1&2
Centric: Multi-Centric

--NEW FORMAT: Episode by Episode Parody--

[DestinyFound]

That is hilarious

I especially like "Dharma Drama" and "Thats so Richard"

[Joshjb]

These are awesome titles. Love it.

[Calandrella]

[charliefan4life]

Episode: 16
Title: Adam and Eve
Centric: Scott and Steve

[madmatthias]

Episode: 16
Title: Adam and Eve
Centric: Scott and Steve

I agree lol

Have they shipped Scott and Steve yet lol? Sceve or Stott

[WalterBishop]

LOST
Season 6, Episode 1
Ka-Bloom, Part 1


An eye opened.
A man, whose face is unseen, is laid in bed. He kissed the sleeping woman next to him on the cheek and got up. His walked to his iPhone 3GS, sat on a docking station, and put on some music. He walked to the bathroom and turns on the shower, and then washed. ‘Bad to the Bone’ played alongside the ‘getting up and ready’ montage. Lady GaGa’s album then came on so he rushed back to the bedroom to silence it. In his hurry he woke his companion.
“Come back to bed.” she said tiredly.
“I can’t, honey,” he mumbled, with a piece of jam covered toast in his hand “I’ve got that meeting.”
“Oh yeah, good luck MIB!”
Cut to Man in Black’s face, he looks a little **** off.
“How many times? I hate that stupid nick name. Call me by my real name.”
“Okie dokie.” said the woman, turning “Sorry Mibbrance.”
“Sorry for being grouchy, Kate.”
Cue come epic Giacchino piece.

LOST

“Come on, you son of a bitch!” Juliet shouted as she smacked the bomb.

KA-BLOOM!

WHITE FLASH

Jack, Kate, Hurley, Miles, Jin, Sawyer, Dying Sayid and Pretty Much Dead Juliet awoke in and around the Swan’s implosion hole.
“NO! This wasn’t meant to happen!” Jack cried, tears pouring down his face.
“I don’t know...” said Miles “That explosion didn’t sound right...”
“Well we’re still here... nickname!” Sawyer shouted, obviously too depressed be witty, as he ran to Juliet.
“James...” she cried “Please...”
“What is it, my love?”
“Jack... He did this...”
“It’s not really his fault...” said Sawyer.
“Yes... it is... I wish he’d get hit by a...” she coughed.
Sawyer looked in to her bloodshot eyes with love and sadness.
“Coffee!” she screamed.
“What?” asked Sawyer.
“Coffee, contrary to popular belief, is the fourth biggest Brazilian export.”
“Paulo.” Sayid moaned quietly.
“Juliet, you’re not making any sense.”
“This place is... purgatory.”
“Dude.” said Hurley.
Then Juliet died.
“This wasn’t supposed to-“

“-happen.”
Jack was on board flight 815.
“What, sir?” asked Cindy.
Jack turned to her, confused, “What?”
“Is the food okay?”
“Umm... Yes.” he said weakly.
“That’s not a very tasty reaction.”
“It’s not very tasty food.”
“Oh.” Cindy said.
“That’s not a very shocked reaction.”
“It’s not a very shocking statement.”
Cindy cleared her throat.
“That’s not a very interesting thing to do.” said Jack.
“This isn’t a very interesting conversation.” Cindy said as she walked away.
Jack relaxed in his chair, life as a male model was stressful.

Ben Linus stood with a bloody dagger in his hand.
Flocke turned to him, “It would seemed that you’ve be Punk’d.”
Ben perked up, “Do I get to meet Ashton?”
“No,” said Flocke casually “I killed him.”
A tear rolled down Ben’s face.
“Join me, Ben, and I can get you Ashton Kutcher.”
“Deal.”
“Okay. One more thing, will you try to stop lying?”
“My name is Mary Jo. I’m from Minnesota.”
“I’ve seen your memories. Your name isn’t Mary Jo, is it?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“No.”
“Right, Benjamin, let’s go outside...”
“My mother taught me.”

Flight 815.
Kate sat next to Edward Mars, who is talking away loudly.
“...so, I auditioned and now I’m going be in Hairspray.”
“Great.” Kate said unenthusiastically.
“So, tell me about yourself.”
“I’m a fu-”
“A fugitive?” he cried, panicked.
“No. I’m a fudge maker. I make fudge.”
“Oh. What an average, unexciting profession.”

“Dude.” Hurley said.
“What?” asked Jin.
“It’s a beanstalk.”
Sure enough, there was a beanstalk, leading right in to the clouds.
“How have we not seen this before?” asked Jack, still sobbing.
“Well,” said Hurley “we couldn’t have missed it.”
“There’s something here!” shouted Jin.
At the base of the stalk there was a house mat with Latin writing on it.
“What’s does it mean?” questioned Hurley.
“Temple Sweet Temple.” said Jacob.
“Thanks, should we- wait a second, who are you?”
“I’m Jacob, and I have all the answers.”
“Why don’t you tell us them?”
The rest of the group looked on in confusion as Hurley seemingly talked to thin air.
“I could...” said Jacob “Or I could mysteriously disappear.”
“I vote ans-”
WHOOSH!
Jacob had mysteriously disappeared.
“How high is that thing?” asked Kate.
“So high we’d probably be close to the Sun.” grumbled Sawyer.
“Sun!” shouted Jin, grabbing the beanstalk, “Sun! Sun!”

“How was the meeting?” asked Kate.
“Stressful. I told him I wanted to kill him.”
“Oh, honey.”
“I’m not your ‘honey’. You only sleep with me because of what I promised you.”
“That’s not true... we still do have a deal right?”
“Yes... You stay with me until you die and I’ll get you an iPhone 3GS with ‘Flight Control’.”
“I’ll never need a toy plane again... When do I get my iPhone?”
“After you’ve spent your life with me.”
“Sounds fair.”
“Aren’t you glad you choose to live with me in the 1800’s?” said Mibbrance.

Locke sweated in his passenger seat, before getting to his feet.
Cindy was shocked, “Sir, I thought you said you can’t walk.”
“Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” he screamed as he pushed down on the detonator.

KA-BOOM!

LOST

[WalterBishop]

LOST
Season 6, Episode 2
Ka-Bloom, Part 2

"Don't tell me what I can't do!"

KA-BOOM!

Silence, then the smoke cleared.
Cindy and the other passengers and crew all looked dazed and confused.
Locke was on the floor. He burst in to tears. The explosives stored in his pockets had exploded, ripping his legs to shreds. John can't walk anymore.

LOST

"Sun! Sun! SUN!" cried Jin as he climbed the beanstalk.
"Jin! Dude! Wait!" Hurley shouted, jumped on to the stalk and going after him. Due to Hugo's weight the beanstalk tipped over, killing Juliet.
Sawyer broke down. Kate went to comfort him.
When they looked around, Jin was nowhere to be found.
Jack stood up, wiping his man tears from his eyes. "Look, if we don't live together... what's that noise?"
"Mmmmm... fishbiscuits."
Kate and Sawyer were making out.
Hurley shook his head, "Uncool, du-"

"-de. That's some crazy ****." he said, staring at No-Legs-Locke.
"Please don't swear in front of my boy, Walt." said Michael sternly "He's only ten."
"Really? He looks about 17!"
"Well he's not!"

Bram ran in to the statue with his boyfriend, Alexia.
"I'm scared, Bramcakes." cried Alexia.
"Don't be scared, baby."
Suddenly, the Smoke Monster murdered them both.
Flocke frowned, "I'm sorry you had to... Ben?"
Ben was wearing a beret. "Ben? Who iz zhiz Ben. J'aime m'appelle Pierre. I'm from Minneso... I mean, France."

Jin looked at Sun and started yelling in Korean.
"Button! Button!"
Sun starred back, confused.
"Button!"
She then realised she was leaning on the button used to call for assistance, luckily all the flight attendants were pursuing a 'Rock God'. When she moved her arm, the button stayed stuck down.
"Let me help you, miss." said a man, releasing the button.
"Thank sir, you're a hero." she replied, in full English.
"A hero? No." replied the man, Sayid, "I'm just a lowly IT support worker."

"Sayid?"
Sayid moaned.
"Sayid? Dude?"
"Have you..."
"What?"
"Have you..."
"What is it, dude?"
"Have you tried switching it on and off?"
"Dude?"
"Mhhrmph."

"Sir? Sir?" Cindy called as she rushed past Jack.
Charlie Pace hurried towards the bathroom, closely followed by several flight attendants.
He slammed the door and slummed on the floor.
"Hello?" said a Scottish voice.
"I... I'm not coming out."
"C'mon, sir."
"No... I'm staying here." he said adamantly.
"What's your name?"
"Cha... Ch... Charlie. Charlie Pace."
"And what do you do for a living?"
"I... um... I collect rocks."
"What's the problem, Mr. Pace?"
"I hate... I don't... I can't... I'm not a good flyer."
"Open the door, sir."
"No."
"I want to talk."
The door opened.
"Look, brotha." said the man - Desmond - as he strolled in. "No matter what, we're gonna fly, Charlie."
Charlie slowly got to his feet, "I... I guess there is nothing to be scare-"

KA-BOOM!

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" he whimpered.

"Ladies and Gents, this is your Captin, Frank Lapidus, speaking. Please remain calm, we'll be arriving in LA Z in around 40 to 400 minutes. In the mean time, you can watch a complimentary movie starring Benjamin B. Linus, entitled 'Mr. Cool'. Trust me, it's horrible." the tannoy bellowed "And please, try the fish."

Jin breathless rested at the top of the partially destroyed beanstalk.
"Hello." said an Asian man "I'm Caten. And this is Paul McCartney... I mean *insert foreign here* "
"He said 'Welcome to the Temple.' "
Jin looked confused. Cue Giacchino.

"I didn't say that." said Caten.

LOST

[DestinyFound]

hahaha . . . great stuff mate

[WalterBishop]

hahaha . . . great stuff mate

Thanks!

-- Merged Double Post --

Next Time On Lost...

Sawyer: Make your choice, Kate.
Shot of Kate kissing Jack. (What Kate Did)
Shot of Kate kissing Sawyer. (I Do)
V.O: Next week...
Christian: You deserve so much better, Katherine.
Shot of Kate making fudge.
V.O: Lost's biggest mystery...
Kate: I love you.
V.O: Will be answered.
Sayid: I love you, too.
V.O: She will be forced...
Kate: I've made my choice.
V.O: To choose...
Christian: Your choice.
V.O: And a secret...
Shot of Hurley crying.
V.O: Will be revealed...
Hurley: She's mine!
V.O: Lost, The Final Season

[WalterBishop]

LOST
Season 6, Episode 3
Who Kate Does

"Welcome to LA Z, Mrs. Austen."
"Thank you." said Kate "But it's Ms."
"Whatever..."
"Well, anywa-"
"...Happened, Happened."
"Okay, well..."
"I'm Da-MATH-nie-SPACE-l Fa-TIME-rad-SCIENCE-ay."
"Tell me, are you single?"
"I don't believe in human relationships..."
"Right."
"...or aliens."
Kate coughed awkwardly.
"Please..." Daniel cried, a tear dripping down his cheek "...please stop the aliens."
Kate swiftly strode away.
"Please!"

LOST

The Temple people, or Templies, were responsable for food drops. Mystery solved, moving on.
"*foreign*" mumbled Caten.
"He says, 'what's your buisness here?'"
"Why are you translating?"
"Huh?" asked McCartney.
"I just heard that man speak perfect English."
"Caten? Speak English?" he yelled in obviously false disbelief "No!"
"In fact, whenever he speaks, it sounds like gibberish. Like he is making it up as he goes along."
"No. No, that's just his native tongue."
"He speaks English. English and nothing else. The other language is not real." stated Jin.
Caten turned and stared at Jin hatefully. "Meanie." he spat in disgust. " Dispose of him."
McCartney and his friend Ringo threw Jin off the cloud.
"Arrrrrrgh!"
Then, something caught him. He was whisked away and dropped in the jungle safely.
The black smoke saved Jin.

"I love you." whispered Kate.
"You too!" Jack and Sawyer said in unison.
"I love you, too." mumbled Sayid.
"Sayid NO!" Jack and Sawyer screamed, once again in unison, as a food drop rocketed towards Kate's head. Miles pushed Kate out of harm's way.
"My hero." she said, fluttering her eyelashes.
"What?" groaned Sayid.
"You can't you love someone, Sayid." Sawyer explained, "It will lead them to their death."
"Ridiculous!"
"No, really. Shannon, Nadia, Elsa..." said Jack "You're cursed in love, Jarrah. Everyone knows. It's the reason I've never kissed you, or wrapped myself up in your arms on a cold island night or..."
Sayid, Sawyer and Kate shared glances. Miles laughed to himself. Hurley almost choked on his Apollo bar.
A coconut flew past Kate's head.
"You're marked for death." said Jack glumly.
"Before you die Freckles, make your choice... Me or the doc? Or Sayid? Or the guy from Two Guys and a Girl with the tacos? Or dead aeroplane boy? Or maybe Miles? Or..."
"Stop!" she cried "I've made my choice..."

"Welcome back, Katherine." beamed Christian Shepherd.
"Hey Mr. Shepherd."
"How was Austrailia?"
"The Sydney Fudge Conference is the biggest annual fudge related convention, so, obviously it was fun and exciting."
"You really love fudge, don't you Katherine."
"I do. My child sweetheart drowned in a vat and fudge after he dropped his toy helicopter."
...
"Okay. But don't you think fudge is a little boring?"
"How so?"
"There's a chocolate factory 4 blocks from. The owner, he's looking for someone like you. Do you want the job? Your choice."
"I don't know..."
"Just let me set up a meeting." he insisted.
"Okay. Tomorrow. 8:15. He can meet me at the Bikini Line Motel."
"You deserve so much better, Katherine. Understand that."

Hurley was crying over some spilled milk.
"Tell us Kate." said Jack.
"Tell us who you chose!" said Sawyer.
"Tell us!" they screamed in unison.
"Leave her alone!" shouted Hurley "She's mine!"
...
"-ding her own buisness. It's not like she's doing anything evil. Like twisting promos to make it looks like things will happen that won't. That would be wrong."
Miles handed a notepad to Sawyer.
"Hey Doc? Miles wants to know if he's allowed to talk. He's said one line all season. I'm suprised he even got this far."
"Talk, Miles."
Miles kept his mouth shut.
"It's safe."
He took a deep breath. "Well..."
A knife loaded dishwasher fell from the sky towards Kate, who ducked. The death trap hit Miles.
He choked on the blood gushed up his throat, then collasped.
Sawyer stood up quickly and yelled "Miles was trying to help us. He had vital information about... Everything. In his dying breath he gave us the key to the answers. We have to go to... the well!"
Jack spoke up "That's just stupid."

"Why did you save me...?" quivered Jin.
"**** n gigs lolz." answered Flocke.
"Where's my wife? Where's Sun?"
"i dunno =)" he giggled.
"I want answers!"
"updog."
"Huh?"
"updog."
"I don't understand..."
"updog."
"What's ''updog?"
"nt mch whts up wid u dog? rofl"
"You're childish."
"yr mom iz childish last nite"
"That's just innapropri-"
"in bed"
"You're immature."
"k"
"And you talk like a 12 year old on YouTube."
"wut?"
"You heard me."
"gtfo"
"Bye."
"k thanx bi."

The Bikini Line Motel.
"Hello. I'm Katherine Austen."
The man shook her hand, "Elliot Hawking is the name."
"Nice to meet you."
"I used to be a woman."
"...Right."
"You've got the job."
"...umm... Good?"
"Yes, good."

"It seems I'll die soon. Because of this I've written down who I've chosen. It should not be read until I'm ready. Until that time it is every man on the island's - no, on earth's - duty to protect me."
"I didn't sign up for Final Destination, Freckles. Sorry." mumbled Sawyer, pulling out a knife and slicing Kate's throat. She collasped to the ground and Sawyer yanked the envelope, which was covered in blood. Ripping it own, he revealed the results.

"Sawyer."






And Juliet died.

LOST

[WalterBishop]

Two tidbits for you...

In the Writer's Room 1# - Inspiration

Shamon and Sharlton explain the idea process to stupid humans with small brains.

SHAMON: It's been a hell of a ride. Lost is obviously the show best ever and because Hereos is so terrible we are going show you how to not make another 'Hereos'.

SHARLTON: Ideas as crazy as our are hard to think up... So we cheat. Any new theories Shamon?

SHAMON: Hmm... 'jakob flashes are flashedforwards of the alt past'... Could we use that?

SHARLTON: Sounds... Feasible.

SHAMON: Remember: This is NOT stealing...

SHARLTON: Yes, everything ever is a rip off of some else.

SHAMON: We have proof that Titanic is a rip off of real events.

J.J. ABRAMS: TAKE THAT CAMERON!

SHARLTON: Someone get J.J. back in the cage!

SHAMON: Someon-

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.


PLUS!!


MAJOR SPOILER
605 CHARACTER DEATH

Are YoIT'S JULIETu Sure?



Juliet

[WalterBishop]

LOST
Season 6, Episode 4
The Prostitute
1st DRAFT

Jack wound down his window.
"Looking for a good time, sweetie?" asked the stranger in a blonde wig.
"What can I call you?"
"Call me Katie."
"Okay Katie, why don't you get in the car."
Katie climbed in.
"This is my first night."
"Oh yeah?" said Jack "I've never... done this before."
Jack served to miss a polar bear in the road. His tyres transformed in to curls of black smoke.
The car shook.
Katie's wig fell off, revealing baldness underneath.
"Holy macaroni!" screamed Locke.
The car exploded like a hot pocket hitting a wall.
Vincent, fire dog, ran to the car and-

SHAMON: WAIT! This isn't gonna work.
SHARLTON: What? What's your problem with it?
SHAMON: What's this in Act II about a chicken zombie?
SHARLTON: Oooh that! It's the chicken from He's Our You. The dead one. Good, right?
SHAMON: No.
SHARLTON: Rewrite?
SHAMON: Rewrite.

Next Time On Lost...

V.O: The next episode of Lost... is so revealing... the only thing we can show you... is this...
LOST Opening Sequence
V.O: Lost, The Final Season

SHARLTON: Nice save, Shamon.
SHAMON: It's what I do.
SHARLTON: Don't gloat, Shamon, it doesn't become you.


RUMOUR -- FALSE

Got this email earlier today.

sharltoniscool:
"nxt ep is abot ladies ov the night n lock is 1 n vincent=fire dog"

Yeah, right.

UPDATE: Thanks to our ABC contact for denying this. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

[Dreyesbo]

Hahaha I don't know why I hadn't read this thread before, it's genius!

Ben was wearing a beret

Freaking hilarious.

[WalterBishop]

Freaking hilarious.

Cheers mate.